Fear keeps you small.
It occurred to me one day that it’s not the big, obvious fears that keep you small. When you’re afraid of a second heart attack, you know exactly what to do and you do it.
But when you have a nagging, undefined fear, it’s like an unseen monster in the dark. You lay low, hold your breath and hope it goes away.
Say you postpone calling a potential customer because you feel you’re not prepared. Or you don’t confront an employee because you’re worried about his reaction. You allow yourself to be distracted by busywork and other less important, more comfortable matters.
But “not sure you’re prepared” and “worried about his reaction” are vague. Until you clarify exactly what you’re concerned might happen, you’re stuck. You can’t do anything but avoid dealing with it because “it” is just a shadow.
Make your fears clear and they’ll largely disappear.
Ask “What am I unsure about regarding this prospect?” “How specifically might this employee react? And why does that concern me?” Your brain will give you answers.
Maybe you’re not sure that you’ll have a product that meets his needs. And you’re worried about losing his interest forever. Maybe you’re concerned that your employee will take your feedback personally instead of the way you intend it.
OK, now, like that heart attack, you can do something about it.
Why we allow ourselves to be controlled by shadow fears.
If the fears that really shackle us are just phantoms, why do we allow them to control us? Two reasons.
First, what we worry about makes sense to us at the time. If you see what looks like a monster in the dark, you’re going to hide.
Second, we’re too stressed to think clearly.
How to turn on the light so your fears go away.
The hardest part about clarifying our fears is to relax long enough to look at them objectively. It’s difficult to catch yourself in the moment.
So schedule this for several times a week:
1. Sit down with a pen and paper and write the answer to this question: What am I worried and stressed about right now?
2. Look at your list and pick the three biggest monsters and clarify them: “What’s really the worst that can happen here?”
3. Then: “What can I do to prevent that worst case scenario?” Usually you’ll realize that there’s a simple, small next step you can take that will move you in the right direction. Schedule the next small step.
Immediately, you’ll feel clear and confident because you’ve turned the light on. The monster went away. Now you’re free to grow and achieve.
