How to Control and Direct Any Conversation. (Very useful for landing AAA customers.)
It happened not too long ago. You were talking with your Ideal Prospect and you could just about feel yourself holding the check that would make him your newest Ideal Customer.
Suddenly, something went very wrong and somehow you lost control of the conversation.
Your product and service were exactly what he needed. It didn’t matter. Your Ideal Prospect got stuck in the quicksand of distractions, “what ifs” and “second thoughts.” You tried to pull him out with your best answers, explanations and efforts to “overcome objections.” But nothing worked.
In the end, he was sucked under with a loud “sluuuuuuuuurp” and went straight to the Place where the best lost deals go.
Why did you lose control? And how can you be sure that next time you will confidently direct the conversation to a closed deal?
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If you want to attract and close deals with first rate customers, you need to be highly skilled at controlling and directing conversations. Not in a stifling way, but in a way that exhilarates your AAA prospects. A way that leaves them feeling free, understood, and hopeful because of the new possibilities you helped them see for themselves.
“Robert,” who is currently enrolled in my “12 Weeks to Your Ultimate Selling System” one-on-one coaching program, recently had some frustrating conversations with a few active customers.
It turns out that Robert’s combination of outsourced products and services had done such a good job that:
“All my clients now talk about, ‘Geez, I really need a full time person, Robert. I need somebody in my office.’
“They don’t need anyone in their office, but that’s what they’re thinking…”
Hiring someone full time would make Robert’s company unnecessary. So I asked Robert how he responds.
“I say, ‘Really! You haven’t even maximized this, and now you think you need a full timer, which is $80,000+ in salary, and that’s not including all the technological infrastructure…’”
I could almost hear the dreaded sluuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrp.
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Here’s the simple secret for controlling and directing conversations:
You need see beyond what your customer SAYS to what she really MEANS.
So Robert’s customer SAYS
“Your XYZ has proven so important, that we need someone in-house to run it going forward. And since you can’t be here yourself, we may need to find someone who can…“
BUT, what Robert’s customer MEANS is
“I can see how valuable this is. And we’re only just scratching the surface. And that’s the problem! I don’t like the feeling of not getting all I can from this.
“Help me figure out how we can get even better results with you so that I’m not tempted to look elsewhere!”
If Robert responds to what his customer SAYS, he’ll talk about how his company’s solution is really much cheaper than someone in house. And about how it doesn’t pay for them to invest in all the infrastructure. And about how if the customer would do just a bit more of what Robert was telling her, she would see that there’s no need for someone in house.
But none of this answers the customers REAL frustration, what she MEANT.
Here’s how you respond to what the customer MEANT:
“Customer, this is what I live for! I love when someone gets it like you do. You’re so pleased with the results so far, and frustrated with your inability to really maximize your results, that you want to explore ways that we can help you more easily get the full benefit that my products can bring to you, isn’t that right?”
If you have a good relationship, and you did correctly hear what your customer really wants, this kind of sentence will make your customer FEEL GREAT because you’ve just articulated what she really wants far better than she could ever do it herself.
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POP QUIZ FOR MY REGULAR READERS: There is a simple “structure” lying beneath what Robert’s customers have been telling him. Robert didn’t see it, so he almost broke himself over it. I did see it, and therefore I was able to formulate a powerful reply.
What’s the structure? Post your thoughts with an explanation in the comments section below.
I think the penny just dropped for me. Thanks Dov – you just took empathy to a whole new level for me.
Chris
That’s great, Chris!
Can you see the “structure” beneath this scenario? Because when you can see the structure you’ll find the empathy even easier.
Take a stab at it.
Dov
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Which structure are they at on the management map?
Customer: The words she says are in decision making/planning (and that’s where she THINKS she is). How can we get even deeper with this? Let’s hire someone.
Where she ACTUALLY is, is in problem solving. There’s a gap between where we are now and where we want to be. What is the best way to bridge that gap?
Robert (outsourcer): If he answers what she SAYS, in decision making, he is not addressing where she IS, problem solving. The result- frustration and wheel grinding.
If he answers where she is, they can move forward to decision making together, and hopefully decide to hire Robert for some more in-depth services:)
Hi Dina,
That a very good analysis. You are technically correct.
I am looking for something even more simple, though. You’re headed in the right direction and you’re almost there.
Dov
Dov,
Thanks for this post and I am answering this without reading the above comments which makes it twice as exciting.
I have to admit it was a bit confusing at first and took me re-reading the article. But I think then I got the plot.
I would identify the underlying structure as the customer sending out a message that they need Robert’ s help which he did not get first time round. It is almost like the customer raising a hand in the middle of a crowd and begging for attention.
So now I will read the above comments and your replies.
All the best,
Axel
Oh that’s easy – I hope I’m right
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The customer is talking about the “how”, and the vendor is bringing the customer back to the “what” in order to determine the real objectives.
Chris
Chris, you make perfect sense – so well done from my side! Lets see what Dov says.
Chris – you hit the nail on the head.
The Lesson: In almost every conversation you have with someone they’re going to be asking about, advocating, or impugning a MEANS to an END.
What almost always happens is that we get into a discussion or an argument about the MEANS. What we should do FIRST is step back and find out if we even agree as to the END.
There’s no point in arguing if we should take the subway or drive if we haven’t agreed on our destination.
In this situation, Robert’s client wants to hire someone full time. (Hiring is a means to an end.) WHY? What will be different? The answer to these questions is the END his client really wants.
If we get caught up in a discussion about hiring a full timer or not, we’re about to discuss everything but the RESULTS the client really wants.
Dov
Axel, you came so very close. Yes, he’s raising his hand and asking for help. Help to achieve what results – that’s the key.
Thanks for participating.
Dov
Dina, as I said above, you are technically correct except you described the second step.
First: Notice that the client is talking about the means / how and not the desired result.
So you elegantly move him back to focus on the results he really wants.
Second: Now that you know the desired results and you’re not there today, you look to see if the situation requires Problem Solving, Decision Making, Planning or Innovating and then you follow the most appropriate process.
Thanks again for chiming in,
Dov