I’m talking about a simple thinking skill: Knowing what you want.

Nearly everyone who grabs one of the five free “Consistent Flow of Customers” strategy sessions I do each month makes the following mistake.

I’ll ask: “If you could have it any way you want it and didn’t have to worry about how to make it happen, how much do you want to be earning a year from now?”

And I’ll get an answer like “$150,000.”

“Why $150,000?”

“Because if I can get up to 30 billable hours per week, then I should be able to reach $150,000.”

Okay. Let’s analyze what’s wrong with this THINKing.  And why it’s keeping him and millions of others stuck.

Also, I’ll teach you a simple thinking skill you’ll start using every day – and your life will never be the same.

What this guy just did was confuse WHAT he wants with HOW he’ll get it.

The question was “If you could have it any way you want it and didn’t have to worry about how to make it happen, how much do you want to be earning a year from now?”

To answer this question, he began by looking at where he is today and extrapolating forward. But that’s what he thinks is POSSIBLE. Not what he WANTS.

Before letting himself dream, he asked “Well, HOW will I get there?”

It’s saying “I don’t know HOW I can get what I really want, so I’m going to settle and aim for something less.” Got it?

So now his target is something he doesn’t really want. But he figures it’s the best he can hope for.

So now he’ll lack the passion. And he won’t be willing to take the risks because who wants to take risks for something you don’t really want?

When passion is out, fear steps in to lead. And our friend the entrepreneur, who has so much to offer to so many people will stay stuck.

Remember I told you that it’s not enough to learn techniques and tactics – and that you need to learn how to THINK?

Well master this WHAT / HOW thinking skill. Practice separating the two.  When you’re talking about WHAT you want, don’t talk about HOW.  And when you’re talking about HOW, make sure you first know exactly WHAT.

This little skill will change your life because it frees to finally focus on what you really, really want. That unleashes your passion. Helps you overcome fear. And keeps you focused on only what matters.  (Which helps you stay out of the grip of the well meaning but dangerous marketing plumbers.)

My advice to you – learn simple, practical THINKing skills.   It will change your life and brings you customers.

What do you think? Let me know below.

Here’s a brief preview of the talk I’ll be giving at the Kishor Conference tomorrow, Monday, June 13th.

Right click to download the .mp3

For conference overview and registration, go here.

IMPORTANT:  The Kishor talk will be very different from the post below on “Stop Doing God’s Work” even though I will touch on it.  We’ll be taking a strategic – but simple and practical – view of your  business to find the critical 10% of activities that will give you 90% of the results.

Any questions?  Post them below.

Dov

Losing patience, the prince takes out a cigarette.

“Please don’t do that,” Lionel says.

“I’m sorry?” replies the prince.

“I believe sucking smoke into your lungs will kill you,” Lionel says.

“My physicians say it relaxes the throat,” says the prince.

“They’re idiots.”

The prince is taken aback.  “They’ve all been knighted!” he says.

“Makes it official then,” says Lionel.

I love this little repartee. Just because someone is well known, highly regarded and has many who agree with him, doesn’t mean he’s worth listening to.

Is there wisdom in crowds?  No.  If everyone is doing it, that’s reason enough to question it.

If you’re a regular at The Alchemist Entrepreneur(TM), I’m going to make a guess about you.  Tell me if I’m right.

You have a deep inner belief that you are on this earth for a reason.  That you have an important contribution to make.  That you are capable of much more than your record reveals.

You also look around at what others have achieved.  What others say.  What others do.  Sometimes you wonder. It doesn’t seem to make sense.  Something seems to be missing.  And yet, look where they are.  They must be smarter, more charismatic, more talented…  They’re certainly richer and more famous.  They must know something you don’t…

And you wonder to yourself, “Will I ever know, have and be what they know, have and are?”

Goodness, I hope not!  They’re idiots!  They’re loud today, and they’ll be gone tomorrow.

Shut out the experts.  Quiet your mind. Allow your own native common sense to shine through the smoke and mirrors.

There were many speech therapists in London.  But there was only one Lionel Logue.  At first the prince assumed Lionel would be like the others he had already seen and dismissed.  Eventually he realized that Lionel’s difference was also his genius.

You, too, my friend have your own genius. Don’t stifle it by trying to be like the others out there. The world doesn’t need more of them.  They need more of you.

Dov Gordon

Your comments and stories are welcome below.

—

To build a thriving, in-demand business, it’s not enough to be really good at what you do.  Yes, that’s important, but you’re not going to be hired for your technical prowess.

Now, I know the clients SAY they’re looking for someone with at least 23 years experience, two doctorates and mother-tongue level Latin.  And when you meet with them, it’s what they ask you about.  But the truth is your ideal clients want something more important. They just don’t know how to talk about it.

If you help them talk about what they REALLY want, you distinguish yourself.  You become the one they want.   But if you let them lead and mostly answer their questions, you’re just another writer.

Let me illustrate.

A client of mine was looking for a new personal assistant and asked if he should include “strong telephone skills” in the help-wanted advertisement.

“No.” I said.

“Why not? The phone is a very important part of the job,” he said.

“Because you don’t want someone with strong telephone skills,” I said. “What you want is someone who will make your customers and prospects feel valued and cared for whether they call on the phone or walk into the office.”

“Yeah,” he said.  “You’re right!”

It’s not about the telephone skills.  It’s really about the result he wants: to make all his customers and prospects feel valued and cared for.

So why did he talk about telephone skills? Because we humans tend to latch on to a vehicle and forget our destination.

Your prospects are the same. In ads and interviews they’ll ask you about the vehicle. “How many years experience do you have?  Is English your mother-tongue? Can you tie your shoe with one hand?”

And most freelancers answer these questions and even try to prove how good they are.  And when that’s your approach, you sound like everyone else.

To build a thriving freelance business, you need to take control of the conversation. You need to peel off layers until your prospect is talking about what he or she really wants.

How do you do that?

Ask questions like this:

“Mr. Ideal Client, you mention you’re looking for a marcom writer with at least three years experience.  Why is that important to you?”

Ninety eight percent of your competitors will NOT ask that question. They incorrectly think it’s a stupid question with an obvious answer.  Umm, wrong.

What you’re doing is peeling a layer. Asking “Why?” is asking about true motivations; about the results he really wants.  You move the conversation from focusing on the vehicle to focusing on the destination.

Let’s listen to where such a question takes your conversation:

“Well, the truth is, it’s not about the years of experience.  We just assume that someone with more experience will do a better job,” Ideal Client says.  “We could have said two years or five, but I feel that three is a good length.  After three years, you should have enough experience.  But it’s not so long that we’re eliminating many good candidates.”

“Yes, that makes sense,” you say.  “So if I understand you correctly, what you’re really looking for is someone who will do a great job, regardless of how long they’ve been doing it.  So when you hire a writer, how do you know if he’s doing a great job?”

“Well,” Ideal Client replies.  “For one thing, I won’t need to manage them all the time.  I won’t need to chase after them to make sure they’re going to make the deadline.  I won’t need to explain simple things repeatedly.  And when our customers read their work, it has the impact we want.  If it’s technical, they tell us how refreshing it is to read a clear manual.  And if it’s marketing, they buy or take the next step in the selling process.”

“So correct me if I’m wrong, Ideal,” you say.  “What I’m hearing is that one of the most important factors in choosing a freelancer is knowing that you’re choosing someone who will free you up from extra management, not add to your management burden.  Is that right?”

“Yes,” he says, beginning to relax at how well you understand him.  Very few people ever really listen to him.  Usually they’re trying to sell him something.  To convince him. But you, you’re different. You actually care enough to uncover what HE really wants.

“And you also want to know that their writing will make the right impression.”

“Yes.”

Congratulations.  You’ve successfully moved the conversation away from the irrelevant means to focus on the very important ends.

Think about it: Everyone else’s conversation was all about years of experience, technical skill, and so on.  You are the only one who actually dug in and talked about what Ideal Client really, really cares about.

Can you see how you’ve distinguished yourself almost to the point where you’ll have no competition?

—

Dov Gordon helps business owners attract more quality customers in less time. You can download a free recording of his popular seminar “How to Build A Step-by-Step Selling System that Brings You All the Customers You Want” by subscribing at http://DovGordon.net.

They follow “recipe” advice without understanding why it works.

We all need the occasional expert opinion.  But how can you tell if the advice you’re getting is based on true wisdom or regurgitated platitudes?

One day I decided to create an audio preview for a public seminar I was doing.  If the group’s members could hear me for a few minutes, I reasoned, it would make them more likely to attend.

Of course, it could also turn them off, so I sent the podcast to an acquaintance and asked for his opinion.

“Like everything you do,” he said, “it’s too long.  People won’t listen to it.”

Well, yeah, I have a tendency to go on a bit.  But length is only one factor in determining whether someone will listen.  And this podcast was less than six minutes long.  If people find it stimulating, provocative, relevant or entertaining, they’ll listen for an hour.

“How long should it be?” I asked, trying to gauge where his advice was coming from.

“Sixty seconds or less.”  He went on to recommended I read someone’s ebook about selling online.

Well, I concluded he was parroting back a “recipe” he had heard somewhere without really understanding what he had heard.

“An online video shouldn’t be longer than three minutes,” one expert will say.  “Make your sales letter short,” says another.  “No one reads the long ones.”   And a social media “expert” with tens of thousands of followers tweaches (tweet + preach) this: “Spend a 1/3 of allocated blogging time commenting on other blogs & you’ll see engagement on your blog skyrocket.”

Advice like this is one reason why comments on so many blogs are mindless and fawning agreement.

Think about it this way:  The amateur cook and the master chef can both follow the same recipe.  But the master chef will produce a far tastier dish.

What’s the difference?

The amateur follows a recipe.  But the master understands the properties of each ingredient and how they interact with each other.  He understands what kind of pot or pan is best for what.  He understands how to substitute.  And so his results are superior.

There are thousands upon thousands of people out there telling us what we need to do to get rich, be successful, and so on.  Often they boil it down to a recipe.  Do this, that and the other thing and you’ll be successful.

Many of our naïve and fearful comrades, eager for a quick salve, gobble this stuff up as if it were something magical.

To say that a podcast shouldn’t be longer than 60 seconds is missing the point.  Length is only one factor and a relatively insignificant one.  People listen to podcasts that are thirty minutes long, watch movies for two hours and audio books that can be thirty hours long.

It’s not the length.  To know if something is likely to interest people, you need to understand the underlying properties.  Does this podcast have the ingredients that will catch someone’s attention and draw then through the end?

If it’s relevant or entertaining they’ll listen to the whole thing.  If it’s a good story they’ll read all 963 pages.

As you build your business, be very wary of people offering blanket recipe-style advice.  Ask lot of questions to determine if you’re hearing from an amateur cook or a master chef.

Don’t assume they know something you don’t.  The opposite is probably true:  You probably understand something about which they don’t have a clue.

—–

If you liked this post, you’re friends will like it too.  Please share it on Facebook and Twitter.

And then share your personal reactions below.

Dov

“As soon as a potential customer expresses an interest, I feel under enormous pressure and probably come over too much like I’m desperate to close at any cost rather than negotiate a reasonable/beneficial deal from a position of power.

“How can I be confident and relaxed?”

Nick, this is a mind game.  We must lean on the three principles of The Alchemist Entrepreneur™:  Reality, Impact and Leverage.  And on the AE’s foundation for everything: Mental Toughness.

We’ve all been there.  A promising new prospect is very interested. You begin to imagine how life will be like after you’ve made the sale.  The extra cash will sure go a long way. The sale is proof to you and those who doubt you that you’re going to succeed.  And now you can afford that vacation.  Maybe your long suffering wife will respect you a bit more, after all.

Then your prospect seems to pull back a bit and one of two things happen:

1. - Nothing at all.  And you can’t figure out why.
2. - You end up compromising on things that were important to you and the deal doesn’t give you what you hoped.

Why does this happen?

Here are three common reasons, along with strategies for avoiding each.

1. 1. You strap yourself to the Endowment Effect.

We humans are a bit strange. We’ll work harder and spend more money to keep from losing something we have than to get it in the first place.  The idea of losing something scares us.  And when worried or scared, we don’t think clearly.

When you believe you closed the sale before the money is actually in your account, this sale becomes something you own – and are now afraid to lose.  And so you act a little crazy to keep it.

Whenever you are in a selling situation, remember Reality at all times:  This sale is not closed until the money is in your account.  No celebrating until then.

1. 2. You actually think you can convince the customer.

As long as you think that selling is about convincing someone to buy, you’re going to be stressed.  And just like you can’t make a good decision in a bad mood, you can’t make a good sale while feeling bad about yourself.

The fastest way to feel lousy is to reflect on all your shortcomings and everything you want and don’t have.

The fastest way to feel good about yourself is to reflect on how you can help others. There are some things you have so much of that you can afford to give it away.  Or to sell it at a great price to those who can really benefit.

So yes, selling is about having a positive Impact on someone through your product and service, far in excess of the money they pay you.

When you really, really get this, your sales conversations are focused on developing a deep understanding of the person you’re talking to.  Before anything else, you genuinely want to know: Is this person a good fit?  Only when it’s clear to both feel the fit is right, do you talk about your products and services.

If you ever find yourself trying to convince someone, immediately step back and recalibrate.  Focus instead on having a genuine Impact and the sale will happen on its own.

1. 3. You tell yourself you need this deal.

Hokey.  You don’t need this deal.  There’s always another bus.

When you negotiate thinking you need this deal, you end up giving away what you really need and accepting instead what you could do without.  You made the sale, but then you’re miserable.  It’s winning the battle, but losing the war.

Before you negotiate any deal with any customer, write down what you MUST get from the deal as well as what you would WANT to get from it.

If the customer wants terms that violate your MUSTS, then walk away.  This is not someone you are meant to have an Impact on.

Be flexible on WANTS, but firm with your MUSTS.

This is Leverage. Focus on doing the small number of things that give you big results.  When you are crystal clear as to what you want from a deal, you can quickly walk away from the wrong prospect because it’s clearly not a match.  No point in pretending otherwise.  (Reality once again.)

Finally, Mental Toughness, as I see it, is forcing your mind to think in line with Reality, Impact and Leverage.  There’s no end to the forces trying to get you to delude yourself.

So become mentally tough. It’s a matter of practice.  It’s that simple and that difficult.

Well then, what do you think?  Share your comments below.

– If you liked this article, would you please share it on Twitter and Facebook?

– “Nick” got his question answered by making it a part of his answer to this short three question survey.  What’s your burning question about creating your own consistent, predictable flow of customers?  Click and answer.  It’s anonymous.

This is more of a thought provoking conversation than a ‘how-to.’  So I decided we’d do this in podcast form, a more personable medium.

Let me know what you think below in the comments section.

Click here to download the .mp3

Dov Gordon

Do you ever tell yourself “I need to…“, or “I don’t have a choice…“, or just feel frustrated that you’re not yet the person you really want to be?

Here’s what I learned: It’s critically important to be unreasonable.

Unreasonable defined:  When you want – and expect to get – something you can’t have.

Being unreasonable is an entrepreneurial necessity.

When you think “I need this sale” you’re being reasonable.  Stop it.  Try this thought on instead:

“I need a business where I’m not needy of anything.”

“I need this employee.” Cut it out.  Try this:

“I need a business where no one employee will make us or break us.”

“I don’t have time.  That’s why I need to work 12 hours a day.”  You’re lying again.

“I choose to work the hours that I do.  And if I had 36 hours, I’d tell myself the same lies.  What if I only had 6 hours to work?  How would I guard and use every one of them? How would I be different?  What would I do differently?”

Is it unreasonable to think you could get it all done if you only had 6 hours? Well, there we go again. It’s time to start being unreasonable.  Be the person you WANT to be, but “can’t” be for whatever reason.

As far as I can tell, when you are unreasonable:

• – You focus your thoughts and energy on what you CAN control now.
• – You focus on what you CAN do TODAY.
• – You accept responsibility for your life, for your choices and behavior.
• – You focus your thoughts and mind on images of the person you WANT to be instead of dwelling on your weaknesses and who you’re not.
• – You start acting that way right now.
• – You FIRST figure out where you want to go, and THEN you work to get there.
• – You make time for what’s truly important to you FIRST and let everything else fall into place.
• – You refuse to allow others to make irrational demands of you.
• – You expect life to be DIFFICULT and so you don’t shrink in the face of possible failure or hardship.
• – You refuse to accept “advice” and guidance from people who don’t have your best interest in mind.
• – You don’t allow others to get you worked up or upset. You remember that they are just being who they are in the moment and you can’t change them. So you focus on what you can influence.
• – You refuse to give into pressure to rush when you know that the natural order of things will insist that you either go with the flow, or drown in it. (For example: You can’t rush a sale because you need the money.)

Looking back, this whole idea about being unreasonable is sounding very reasonable!

What do you think? Where have you started being unreasonable? And how has that improved your entrepreneurial life? Talk back below.  And consider using the retweet button over there—–>