He threw down the phone.  Leaned back in his office chair and put his feet up on the desk. Seeing his scruffy shoes and stretched socks he threw his feet back to the floor in disgust.

“We were very impressed with your proposal,” they had said, “but we decided to go with the others.”

We were very impressed with your proposal, but we decided to go with the others. He mimicked.  We were very impressed with your proposal, but we decided to go with the others.  We were very impressed with your proposal, but we decided to go with the others.

Gaaaaad.  He was tired of hearing that.

He left his office.  Down the stairs.  Out the door.  Took a left turn to the park and soon he was lying on the grass looking up at the thick foliage of an enormous tree.  He wondered just what kind of tree it was.

His fiftieth birthday was coming up in three weeks. Oh how the years had flown by.  During many of them, he made excuses for himself.  “You’re young.  You’re still learning.  You’ll yet make your impact.”

But that wouldn’t cut it anymore.  FIFTY!  My Gaaaaaaaaaaad.  And what have I accomplished?!

Not that he’d been a complete failure. He’d had his weeks or months of impressive success.  But it never felt planned.  It never felt like he had really made anything happen.  No.  It was always a struggle.  It’s one thing to wrestle when you’re confident that you know what you’re doing.  It’s quite another thing to wrestle when you can see neither your opponent, nor the edge of the ring.  You’re groping, pushing and pulling, you end the day exhausted from long hours of doing.  But what did you actually do?

After an hour he got up.  Brushed off the dead grass.  He had decided. He would stop.  He would not continue doing what he had always done.

He was frightened by the prospect of stopping.  It’s not like he had cash saved up or anything. But for the first time he felt more frightened by the thought of continuing as he had.  Of suffering one more day  living in fear and kowtowing to worries.  He didn’t yet know the right way, but he had made up his mind.  He was going to give himself the time he needed to figure it out once and for all.

That was the day he walked off the carrousel.

And he never looked back.

——-

Over the past weeks I’ve been talking with more and more people reaching their fiftieth – but not their potential.

Each month I give away a handful of free “Build A Steady Stream of Customers” strategy sessions.  If you’re hitting the big number and you’re ready to step off the carrousel, you get priority this month.

So if you’re a small business entrepreneur and you need to figure out how to create a steady, predictable flow of ideal customers and clients, click here to schedule your session.

Dov

This is the second of “The Alchemist Papers”, written by The Alchemist Entrepreneur.  His identity must be kept silent, so we just call him “Al.”

I remind you that even though Al is alive and well in the age when millions share nonsense daily through Facebook and Twitter, he likes to write as if he were a member of Ben Franklin’s Junto.  And you know, had he lived then, he probably would have been.

Al’s essays penetrate to the very core of what matters. While everyone is hacking at the leaves, Al strikes at the root.  I’m a grateful student.  I urge you to read through to the very end.

-          Dov Gordon

The Alchemist Papers

2. Dragooned by your own perfidious mind

___

OK – I’ve got a challenge for you.  How can you square Al’s advice in Paper # 2 with the observations in Happy kids, miserable adults and a timeless, secret truth?

Share your thoughts below.   The person with the best answer wins a moment of silent calm and confidence.  ;-)

And if you agree that more people need to hear Al’s message, please share this with your friends on Facebook and Twitter.  You’re part of the signal, not the noise.

Dov Gordon

In The King’s Speech, the stammering Prince Albert, soon to become King George VI, finds himself in the cozy office of speech therapist Lionel Logue. He expects Logue to begin treating him.  Instead, Logue insists on small talk.

Losing patience, the prince takes out a cigarette.

“Please don’t do that,” Lionel says.

“I’m sorry?” replies the prince.

“I believe sucking smoke into your lungs will kill you,” Lionel says.

“My physicians say it relaxes the throat,” says the prince.

“They’re idiots.”

The prince is taken aback.  “They’ve all been knighted!” he says.

“Makes it official then,” says Lionel.

I love this little repartee. Just because someone is well known, highly regarded and has many who agree with him, doesn’t mean he’s worth listening to.

Is there wisdom in crowds?  No.  If everyone is doing it, that’s reason enough to question it.

If you’re a regular at The Alchemist Entrepreneur(TM), I’m going to make a guess about you.  Tell me if I’m right.

You have a deep inner belief that you are on this earth for a reason.  That you have an important contribution to make.  That you are capable of much more than your record reveals.

You also look around at what others have achieved.  What others say.  What others do.  Sometimes you wonder. It doesn’t seem to make sense.  Something seems to be missing.  And yet, look where they are.  They must be smarter, more charismatic, more talented…  They’re certainly richer and more famous.  They must know something you don’t…

And you wonder to yourself, “Will I ever know, have and be what they know, have and are?”

Goodness, I hope not!  They’re idiots!  They’re loud today, and they’ll be gone tomorrow.

Shut out the experts.  Quiet your mind. Allow your own native common sense to shine through the smoke and mirrors.

There were many speech therapists in London.  But there was only one Lionel Logue.  At first the prince assumed Lionel would be like the others he had already seen and dismissed.  Eventually he realized that Lionel’s difference was also his genius.

You, too, my friend have your own genius. Don’t stifle it by trying to be like the others out there. The world doesn’t need more of them.  They need more of you.

Dov Gordon

Your comments and stories are welcome below.

Nick writes in with the following sale-asphyxiating problem:

“As soon as a potential customer expresses an interest, I feel under enormous pressure and probably come over too much like I’m desperate to close at any cost rather than negotiate a reasonable/beneficial deal from a position of power.

“How can I be confident and relaxed?”

Nick, this is a mind game.  We must lean on the three principles of The Alchemist Entrepreneur™:  Reality, Impact and Leverage.  And on the AE’s foundation for everything: Mental Toughness.

We’ve all been there.  A promising new prospect is very interested. You begin to imagine how life will be like after you’ve made the sale.  The extra cash will sure go a long way. The sale is proof to you and those who doubt you that you’re going to succeed.  And now you can afford that vacation.  Maybe your long suffering wife will respect you a bit more, after all.

Then your prospect seems to pull back a bit and one of two things happen:

1. - Nothing at all.  And you can’t figure out why.
2. - You end up compromising on things that were important to you and the deal doesn’t give you what you hoped.

Why does this happen?

Here are three common reasons, along with strategies for avoiding each.

1. 1. You strap yourself to the Endowment Effect.

We humans are a bit strange. We’ll work harder and spend more money to keep from losing something we have than to get it in the first place.  The idea of losing something scares us.  And when worried or scared, we don’t think clearly.

When you believe you closed the sale before the money is actually in your account, this sale becomes something you own – and are now afraid to lose.  And so you act a little crazy to keep it.

Whenever you are in a selling situation, remember Reality at all times:  This sale is not closed until the money is in your account.  No celebrating until then.

1. 2. You actually think you can convince the customer.

As long as you think that selling is about convincing someone to buy, you’re going to be stressed.  And just like you can’t make a good decision in a bad mood, you can’t make a good sale while feeling bad about yourself.

The fastest way to feel lousy is to reflect on all your shortcomings and everything you want and don’t have.

The fastest way to feel good about yourself is to reflect on how you can help others. There are some things you have so much of that you can afford to give it away.  Or to sell it at a great price to those who can really benefit.

So yes, selling is about having a positive Impact on someone through your product and service, far in excess of the money they pay you.

When you really, really get this, your sales conversations are focused on developing a deep understanding of the person you’re talking to.  Before anything else, you genuinely want to know: Is this person a good fit?  Only when it’s clear to both feel the fit is right, do you talk about your products and services.

If you ever find yourself trying to convince someone, immediately step back and recalibrate.  Focus instead on having a genuine Impact and the sale will happen on its own.

1. 3. You tell yourself you need this deal.

Hokey.  You don’t need this deal.  There’s always another bus.

When you negotiate thinking you need this deal, you end up giving away what you really need and accepting instead what you could do without.  You made the sale, but then you’re miserable.  It’s winning the battle, but losing the war.

Before you negotiate any deal with any customer, write down what you MUST get from the deal as well as what you would WANT to get from it.

If the customer wants terms that violate your MUSTS, then walk away.  This is not someone you are meant to have an Impact on.

Be flexible on WANTS, but firm with your MUSTS.

This is Leverage. Focus on doing the small number of things that give you big results.  When you are crystal clear as to what you want from a deal, you can quickly walk away from the wrong prospect because it’s clearly not a match.  No point in pretending otherwise.  (Reality once again.)

Finally, Mental Toughness, as I see it, is forcing your mind to think in line with Reality, Impact and Leverage.  There’s no end to the forces trying to get you to delude yourself.

So become mentally tough. It’s a matter of practice.  It’s that simple and that difficult.

Well then, what do you think?  Share your comments below.

– If you liked this article, would you please share it on Twitter and Facebook?

– “Nick” got his question answered by making it a part of his answer to this short three question survey.  What’s your burning question about creating your own consistent, predictable flow of customers?  Click and answer.  It’s anonymous.

Fear keeps you small.

It occurred to me one day that it’s not the big, obvious fears that keep you small.  When you’re afraid of a second heart attack, you know exactly what to do and you do it.

But when you have a nagging, undefined fear, it’s like an unseen monster in the dark.  You lay low, hold your breath and hope it goes away.

Say you postpone calling a potential customer because you feel you’re not prepared.  Or you don’t confront an employee because you’re worried about his reaction.  You allow yourself to be distracted by busywork and other less important, more comfortable matters.

But “not sure you’re prepared” and “worried about his reaction” are vague.  Until you clarify exactly what you’re concerned might happen, you’re stuck.  You can’t do anything but avoid dealing with it because “it” is just a shadow.

Make your fears clear and they’ll largely disappear.

Ask “What am I unsure about regarding this prospect?”  “How specifically might this employee react?  And why does that concern me?”  Your brain will give you answers.

Maybe you’re not sure that you’ll have a product that meets his needs.  And you’re worried about losing his interest forever.  Maybe you’re concerned that your employee will take your feedback personally instead of the way you intend it.

OK, now, like that heart attack, you can do something about it.

Why we allow ourselves to be controlled by shadow fears.

If the fears that really shackle us are just phantoms, why do we allow them to control us?  Two reasons.

First, what we worry about makes sense to us at the time.  If you see what looks like a monster in the dark, you’re going to hide.

Second, we’re too stressed to think clearly.

How to turn on the light so your fears go away.

The hardest part about clarifying our fears is to relax long enough to look at them objectively.  It’s difficult to catch yourself in the moment.

So schedule this for several times a week:

1.   Sit down with a pen and paper and write the answer to this question:  What am I worried and stressed about right now?

2.   Look at your list and pick the three biggest monsters and clarify them:  “What’s really the worst that can happen here?”

3.   Then:  “What can I do to prevent that worst case scenario?”  Usually you’ll realize that there’s a simple, small next step you can take that will move you in the right direction.  Schedule the next small step.

Immediately, you’ll feel clear and confident because you’ve turned the light on.  The monster went away. Now you’re free to grow and achieve.

The other day I got a call from Al, who owns a small accounting firm with 6 employees.  Al and I met at some business event a while back and chatted a few times since.

He said “Dov, I’ve got a fair number of small business clients and a handful of big ones.  I want more big companies.  What can I do to get more of them?”

I said, “Simple.  You need to find out what the big ones want and let them know that you can give it to them. Essentially, that’s it.  Once you know what they want, it becomes a question of what tactics to use to get in front of them.”

He said “I know what they want.  They want good money-saving tax advice and professional service.  We do that.”

I said “Look, Al.  Do you know any accounting firm that doesn’t claim to offer good money saving tax advice and professional service?”

First, silence.  Then a hesitant admission:  “No.”

“Right.  So you need to peel some more layers off the onion.  You need to understand the nuances your ideal customers really care about.  If every accounting firm promises money-saving tax advice and professional service, you need to understand why the best clients still choose one over the other.  Make sense?”

“OK.  I guess so.  So how do I do that?”

I said, “Simple.  Call up your best clients and ask them these there “customer mind reading” questions. They’re very straightforward:

1. Why did you start doing business with my firm?
2. Why have you continued with my firm?
3. What can we do to be even more valuable to you going forward?

“Listen very carefully to what they say.  I’d get permission to record the call. Relistening to their answers will help you pick up on nuances and patterns and then you’ll know exactly how to appeal to other clients just like them.”

“I can’t do that!” Al said.  “If I ask questions like that, it will open a can of worms!”

Now reflect on Al’s reaction for a minute. He refused to ask his best clients why they worked with him and what he could do to be more valuable to them.  He was afraid he may hear complaints.

“Al, if your clients have issues with you, they have issues with you.  Wouldn’t you rather know about their issues now, when you can do something to fix them?  Otherwise you’ll only find out about them when they call to tell you they’re moving to a new firm!”

But Al wouldn’t do it.  He was too scared. He preferred the illusion of security to the uncomfortable reality.

Joan, on the other hand, is a true Alchemist Entrepreneur™. She owns a four employee graphic design firm.  After 10 years in the business, she’s ready to turn it into an operation that does more than provide a steady level of stress.  She wants a business that frees her up to live life on her terms.

And unlike Al, Reality doesn’t scare her.

So Joan called her three best customers and asked them each these questions.

What she learned surprised her.

She said “All along, I knew that service was really important. That’s why we’re very quick to get back to clients.  It’s why we’re not just technical gofers who create nice designs and brochures for our clients.  We’re thought partners.  We initiate.  We’re there to connect design work to the bigger picture needs of our clients.”

“Funny enough, I still thought that the most important thing to my clients was a professional design. So in my marketing and selling I always focused on the quality of our design work.  But now I understand that nice design has become a commodity.  Our competition can’t easily imitate the thought and attention we put into each client. So we need to convey this more prominently in our marketing and selling.”

The courage to face Reality is one of the three foundation principles of The Alchemist Entrepreneur.  We’re tested daily.

When you face Reality you can make it work for you. You can Leverage it.  (Leverage is the third principle.)  But if you fear it and hide from it, you eventually break yourself against it.

There’s no question about it. Asking questions like these may be uncomfortable and even scary.  It’s also a reminder that it doesn’t really take much to stand out in the business world:  Just do the simple, uncomfortable things that most entrepreneurs prefer to ignore.

Can you relate to this?  Then go and ask these three “Mind Reading” questions to your best customers.  Then come back and share what you learned in the comments below.

—

Have you been in business for more than two years? And are you at a place where you know you should be attracting more and better customers but you’re not?  And have you tried a variety of methods to get more customers, but nothing worked as you hoped?  With the endless marketing strategies out there, are you unsure which will work best for you?

If yes, quickly grab one of the 3 – 5 free “Attract First-Rate Customers” strategy sessions I offer each month to my subscribers.  Go here for details of what this session will do for you.

Fear is a sneaky wretch.

True, from time to time, he’ll jump out in the middle of the road as you drive by and your heart will leap. But usually, Fear just walks at your side pretending to be your dear, caring friend. Once you’re fooled, he takes your hand – and leads you off a cliff.

Think about it. You know the price of fear is huge.  But since Fear is subtle, slight and cunning, you often don’t notice his subterfuge. Watch carefully, or you miss it and you’ll blame yourself for his reprobate ways.

When Fear talks, it all sounds so logical. “You don’t have time!” he says. “Hurry!” And so you don’t plan. You wing it. And you stumble. With expressions of deep sympathy, Fear helps you up while whispering more deceptive drivel into your ear.

“You better hire this guy,” says Fear. “It’s just impossible to find good people and he’s the best you’re going to get. He’ll adjust once he’s on the job. Don’t worry.”

“Don’t throw out that pile of magazines. You really ought to read those articles. One day you’re going to look for them and wish you’d kept them.” And so you collect and accumulate when you should relax and let go. He tells you the same things about emails, which is why your inbox is such a mess.

“You really should serve the full range of customers,” he says. “If you don’t, your business will be boring. And if you don’t do it, someone else will do it and one day they’ll put you out of business.”  And with that you forfeit the tremendous potency of focus in favor of overextension and diffusion.

After a while, you turn to Fear for advice. “Look, we’re in over our heads.  We’re all over the place!”

Remember that uncomfortable conversation you needed to have? Remember how Fear advised you to put it off? “Give yourself some time to think about it.” And, “It’ll work itself out. Give it a bit more time and you’ll avoid the whole thing.”

Until you couldn’t postpone it any longer. But then you were forced to confront the issue on someone else’s terms. With no time to prepare, you fumbled and lost your advantage.

How do you do that?

One way is to notice your gut. Notice when you’re feeling tense. Notice when you’re feeling forced or pressured. That’s almost always a clue that your buying his latest story.

When you catch yourself, here’s what you must do:

1.  Remind yourself that if you’re dogged, there’s a way. If you want something bad enough, you can get it. So ask yourself, “If my life depended on this, what would I do to get it?” Or, “If my current option were taken from me, what alternatives would I come up with?”

2.  Remind yourself of that wise comment of George Bernard Shaw: “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”  There’s no hope for your entrepreneurial dream as long as you allow Fear to talk you into being reasonable.  Ask yourself: “What would I do if I was a tad more unreasonable?”